Someone sent me this link to a talk by John Cleese about creativity, which I watched, at first, because I figured there’d be a few good jokes.  But I realized, watching, that although he’s supposedly talking about creativity in general, the whole piece is a fabulous essay, indirectly, about the importance of creativity in parenting and birth.  And your career.  And your marriage.  And life.  Creativity is they key to happiness in all of these things, and it isn’t a talent but a mode of operating.  Anyone can get at it.

I couldn’t agree more.

Many of you who have taken my classes/workshops/groups have heard me talk about how important it is for mothers to maintain a playful sense of curiosity, humor, and faith that although pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood are very serious, they are not meant to be solemn. Curiosity, a willingness to experiment and be silly and get stuff wrong (because a wrong choice might be a stepping stone to something brilliant), a sense of humor … these are some of the ingredients of the creative mode, and Cleese’s speech is all about how to get at that mode more easily.

Scary things happen when you embark on parenthood.  The stakes can feel really high.  Scary things make us anxious, and anxiety can squash out the open, fun, confident feeling that lets us be our most creative selves.  John Cleese says that the “closed mode” (where we’re not able to be creative), is characterized by anxious feelings, impatience, attempts to be organized, focus on small trivial tasks, and, sometimes, manic pursuit of a goal.  In short, it’s where new moms spend a lot of their time. 

One of the problems is that anxiety makes us worry that we don’t know enough.  So we consult experts — too often we don’t consult the kind of experts who guide and support us in being authors of our own lives, but, instead, the kind who confirm our fears that we don’t know anything and solemnly tell us How To Do Everything Their Way.  But if you are a non-generic person with a non-generic child, generic advice — even from famous experts — will not work.  

What will work is a customized, creative, individualized approach.

To do that, you need to get into the creative mode, which he describes as expansive, less purposeful, more inclined to humor, and filled with curiosity for its own sake.  (Doesn’t that sound more fun?) 

Being there will help you figure out how best for you to handle: the challenges of labor, parenting a baby, the transition back to work. Tricky infant feeding and sleep questions.  Tantrums.  Choosing a new midwife or OB or pediatrician.  Unloading the dishwasher and other shared domestic chores.  Finding time to get to the gym and have your nails painted and groove on your partner and sometimes do decadent things. In short, you’ll need to get creative to handle being an adult with a real, complicated life, and kids.  

(Well, actually, you can get by without being creative, but you deserve a life where you’re not just getting by.)  

There are a bunch of key points in the speech, concrete ideas about how to get into the creative mode.  (hint:  you need time, and space, and some people you can talk to, and a sense of lightness — sounds like a new moms’ group to me!).  But you should watch him explain the whole thing, so you can look at him and think of laughing your head off at that Fawlty Towers episode with the rat.

Perhaps my favorite part is towards the end when he says that being creative requires being prepared to tolerate the anxiety of sitting with something we haven’t solved yet.  

How many of us has been there, with an annoying or worrisome problem with our babies/toddlers/work/spouse, insecure because we don’t know how to deal with it, and totally irritable that the problem is Not Fixed And What If It Never Gets Fixed And Just Gets Worse And Worse!!??!  

Being creative, and successful, and happy doesn’t mean never feeling that way.  But Cleese’s ideas about how to cope with that moment, and what comes before and after that are, I think, really inspiring.  I hope you contact me to talk more about how to apply these ideas to childbirth and parenting, one-on-one or in a group.  meredith (at) amotherisborn (dot) com (or click the “Ask” button at left and leave your contact info!)

In the past few years, I’ve become fascinated with “good guy” bacteria — the bugs that live on and inside us, and keep us safe from disease and infection.  It’s kind of awesome that we’re home to zillions of microbes.  You’re a walking Starship Enterprise and the crew is doing maintenance and defense work on you even as we speak!

(Let me pause and say that if that concept make you a little squeamish, you may find the rest of this blog post grody).

Along these lines, I was fascinated to read of a recent study which concluded that gut bacteria may be the reason that babies born by c-section are twice as likely to be overweight later in childhood, compared with babies born vaginally.  The study, in the Archives of Disease in Childhood, found a large disparity in childhood obesity rates between kids born by c-sec and those born vaginally, even after considering other factors such as mother’s weight, baby’s size and the length of time they were breastfed.  

We already knew that babies born by c-section have an increased risk of post-birth infection vs. babies born vaginally, in part because of good-guy bacteria:  as babies travel through the birth canal, and all the good bacteria that live there (yes, your vagina is filled with bacteria! It protects you from illness) coat the baby’s skin, providing your baby with an initial coating of anti-germ protection even as he’s being born.  (A baby born by c-section on the other hand, comes out of the sterile amniotic sac, directly into a germ-filled operating room.  Germs that cause illness have the opportunity to colonize his skin before mom’s good anti-sick bacteria can colonize and protect him.  This is why skin-to-skin contact is especially important for babies born surgically — frequent contact helps the baby get a nice coating of protective bacteria from the “Mother Ship.”)

So, but here’s how this plays out with the obesity thing.  Apparently the presence or absence of different gut bacteria play a role in how we use energy, respond to insulin and lay down fat.  And babies born by c-section have different gut bacteria than those born vaginally, even years later.  Why? 

Take a step back.  There’s bacteria in your gut, right?  What happens to it?  Mostly it lives inside you.  Also, some of it comes out when you poop.  So, you can find traces of it around your bottom.  Pan the camera back and let’s think for a minute about how babies born vaginally could come into contact with their mom’s gut bacteria?  As a another childbirth educator once quipped, “it’s not by accident that babies are born with their face an inch from your asshole.”  They’re designed, apparently, to meet that part of you first so they can get exposed to your gut bacteria and, yes, ingest some (microscopic) amount, so it can colonize their gut.  And that is apparently going to help them for the rest of their lives.  Next step for the newborn is to be placed on mom’s belly, where he can get colonized with her external, protective skin bacteria, and after that onto mom’s breast where the colostrum in her breasts is filled with immune factors so that with the first swallow her body tells him:  “all the stuff you were just exposed to is harmless for you, so don’t use your energy mount an immune response to any of it; you can use your energy to grow, stabilize temperature and sugar, and get acclimated, not for defense.”  Her breastmilk also contains pro- and pre-biotics to further colonize his gut and protect him from the inside.

I think this is kind of awesome.  Not the image of a baby with her nose in your rear end — sure, that’s kind of eww-y when you stop and think.  But what’s totally magnificent to me is the way our bodies are designed to do this right.  There are so many small things, invisible until we study them, which turn out to have tremendous lasting significance.  

What can you do?

Don’t feel bad if you had a c-section, that kind of backward-focus doesn’t help.  If you had a c-section, focus on behaviors that lean against any increased potential for obesity; we should all do that anyway.   C-section can be a very, very important surgery, and when it’s medically necessary, it is a tool we are very lucky to be able to use, and to have such phenomenally good results from most of the time.

But what we all can do, I think, is maintain a kind of reverence for the body, and remember that no matter how sophistocated we are, and how good our technology, how advanced our medications, and how grateful we are for the way they save lives, nothing we can invent compares to the complicated beauty and grace of a functioning human body. 

There is much we do not understand.  When it comes to a body that is healthy, we should be very reserved about elective surgeries.  And we ought to manage labors to minimize the likelihood of c-section, not just for all the reasons we know, but, even more, for the reasons we don’t know yet.  

Hey folks.  Of course I’m biased, but I totally agree with this article titled Best Childbirth Classes in NY, which names Tribeca Parenting, where I currently teach group childbirth classes.  

There are lots of ways to teach a childbirth class; anyone can hang out a shingle and do it.  But TP hires only teachers who have completed the rigorous 2-3 year certification program through CEA/MNY.  Then, all the TP teachers also participate in regular continuing education, to ensure that we are up to date not just on timeless things (like basic physiology and anatomy) but on things that do change, like local hospital practices and current research about medications, interventions and technology, and perinatal care.  (Plus, sometimes we get to have really fun continuing ed to learn things like how to teach reflexology; which of course requires that we all get foot rubs! :-))  

The TP childbirth series is designed not only to instill knowledge, but to allay anxiety, build confidence, and foster a feeling of community among a bunch of total strangers who are all embarking on a great adventure.  The teachers are smart and funny and real, and we want our students not just to learn, but to appreciate that you can be your regular self throughout the birth process. 

If you’re pregnant and lucky enough to be in NY, I hope you’ll come!  I’m teaching on Wednesday evenings at the 62 St location.  More info on my series here.

Don’t miss the upcoming Chelsea New Moms’ Series!  

Register here

6 week Series —  

Fridays, starting 6/1, 12-2, 247 West 26th Street (note location change!), $180

Topics include

• dealing with crying and fussy behavior
• establishing routines
• getting your body back
• co-parenting with your partner
• “myths” of motherhood
• sex and intimacy and parenting
• feeding, and sleep issues
• dealing with parents and in-laws
• coping with normal new mom anxiety and doubt

More info here.

Sometimes I picture online publishers sitting around a room looking worriedly at a bunch of charts with lines heading down down down — waning readership on their sites! Dismal traffic!  Not enough clicks!  

Then one of them grins and says, “You know what we need to do.”  And they all smirk and don’t even have to talk about what comes next.  It’s time for a Mommy-Bomb.

 All they have to do is print the word “breastfeeding.”  

Or “Formula.”  

Or “Stay-at-home mom.”  Or “Daycare.”  

Or “Epidural.”  Or “Natural Childbirth.”

And then a subtitle that includes the words “Good Enough” or “Mommy Wars.” 

Done.  They all laugh and do five minutes of work looking for someone to be the Sarah Palin (that’s what they call the “feminist” they’ll use to take a nonfeminist position for the article).  

They then open some beers and laugh about how they can get women readers to do their work for them.  They drive up traffic and ad revenue by fomenting insecurity and divisiveness and discord among the readers who can’t help but get sucked in.  

So, it just happened again, with tomorrow’s cover article in Time Magazine (note I am not linking to it), which shows a model-thin woman breastfeeding her preschooler.  This one’s got extra cha-ching because it’s not only a Mommy Bomb, it’s also a SexyBoobs Shot.  The title is, “Are You Mom Enough?”  SexyBoob Lady is giving us a Mona Lisa smile in her tank top and skinny jeans, showing off her gym-toned arms while her three year old suckles.  She can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and squirt that shit with home-grown organic breast milk.  Can you?

The article is apparently, about parenting styles — whether “regular” moms can measure up to Dr. William Sears’ version of Attachment Parenting; whether Attachment Parenting is keeping women down.  

Except it’s not about these things, really.  

A group of real women, gathered together with an experienced facilitator can have an amazing discussion about parenting philosophies, nursing, working vs. staying home — the works.  But online, these topics don’t lead to discussion, they lead to a shitstorm.  They’re not published to inspire discussion and thought.  They’re published to create controversy.  The hope is that you’ll click and click and click, to be scandalized or outraged, not that you’ll think, contribute, learn.

Here are a few things I think we all know, and one I think we often forget.  

1.  There’s no one perfect parenting philosophy that suits every baby and family just like not all babies are the same.

2.  Babies are really needy and there’s actually no way to raise them without getting pretty mutually attached.

3.  New moms, finding their way into their new identity are vulnerable to criticism and guilt, and can become insecure and defensive when they’re lonely with no company but the internet.

And 

4. When you click on an ad-based website, you’re making money for that site.  

I think it’s shitty that publishers run stories that exploit the normal insecurities new mothers experience.  It feels predatory to me.  Please don’t add to it by reading the story or participating.  

Instead, I suggest you take a look at two really thoughtful pieces *about* the story:  Katherine Stone’s piece on Strollerderby collects comments by over a dozen bloggers (including me!) about how to support real life women, not generic philosophies of Motherhood.  

Rebecca Odes’ piece, also on Strollerderby, takes a look at the feminist issues in the photography of the cover picture.  These pieces are worth your traffic; take a look.

This article from Consumer Reports is a great piece on the ten most “overused” procedures in childbirth:

1. C Section in low risk first birth

2. Automatic repeat C Section

3. Elective early delivery

4. Induction without medical reason

5. Ultrasound after 24 weeks

6. Early epidural

7. Continuous electronic fetal monitoring during labor

8. Routine artificial rupture of membranes (“breaking the bag of waters”)

9. Routine episiotomy

10. Sending baby to the nursery

The article, of course, goes into greater detail about how each of these is overused and what the alternatives are.  I like this piece because it’s a great reminder to everyone of a few really crucial points

1. When you’re there, in the hospital in labor?  You’re still a consumer, and entitled to excellent customer service.

2.  Health care is a product we pay for and it is important to think about whether each thing you do is necessary/worthwhile.

3.  You, as an adult, are competent to evaluate whether you need an induction/episiotomy/c-section/ultrasound, just like you evaluate whether you need the other things you pay for.  You don’t need to be a medical expert to do this.  You do need a medical expert *with you* to talk you through the benefits/risks/alternatives, but after that the decision is yours. 

4.  Not all of the things that doctors do routinely are helpful or necessary.

Ask questions.  Get to know your caregiver.  Be the customer.  Get good care.